April 18, 2007

The 2 Second Experiment

Let us have a look for a moment at traffic in Utah using the scientific method. (before we continue, it might be helpful for you to read this funny-because-it's-true commentary: http://www.carbibles.com/utahdrivers.html)

Observation: Driving anywhere in Utah SUCKS!
Description: In lieu of writing a never ending paragraph, just go for a drive around the block or something.
Prediction: Unless something is done, it will only get worse.
Hypothesis: While it may not actually alleviate the rampant stupidity inherent in most of Utah drivers, it may just fix a lot of other problems than what you may first think. Maybe we can accomplish this in May...maybe. I assume that, despite what their actions show, these imbecilic gomers can count to two. I propose therefore that everyone driving a car, not just in Utah, stay the recommended 2 seconds behind the vehicle in front of them. I know this is hard for some of you, so let's have an example: (okay, I know I'm laying it on thick, and I don't have any other readers outside my immediate family and a couple of poor Thatcher employees, but the whole point of this is for you to pass it on!)

You're driving on the freeway. The rear bumber of the car in front of you passes some sort of mark, be it a mile-post sign, a dead cat on the side of the road, take your pick. Instantaneously, you think or even say out loud, "Start banana, 1 banana, 2..." and keep counting until the front bumper of your car hits that same mark. If you don't make it to two, you either need to slow down, or move into another lane and repeat the process.

Did that just blow your mind?!? Think of the possibilities! People getting on I-80 eastbound anywhere from State to 1300 E. will actually have room to merge and won't need to slam on their brakes to avoid hitting the jerk who wouldn't let them in! (This, of course, extends to all you "west-siders"...but only in theory) Deer jump out in front of the truck that's a half-mile in front of you during rush hour? Who am I kidding, that's not as realistic as "Idiot on a cell phone miss their exit in Davis County, therefore swerves without checking any blindspots?" No problem! You haven't been tailgating, and won't ram the other 20+ cars in between. The possibilities are endless!

Now go and do. This is for real. I'm going to see about setting up a ".org" website (without all the vitriole), and get the local news to spotlight it.


SalGal said...

Um, where did you take driver's ed? It's 3, not 2 seconds! Geez... some people and their driving skills.

Oh snap, somebody call 911 I just hit the car in front of me...

Jimbo said...

It's 3 when it's snowing outside. The ambulance is on its way.

Lacey said...

I prefer to use Mississippi over banana.

Natasha said...

Utah drivers have more problems than just following too close.
How about how long it takes them to get the foot from brake to accelerator when the light turns green. You gonna need a whole lotta Mississippi to measure that.
And don't get me started on turn signals.
But, by far the worst problem is distracted driving. Can't you people beat your kids later? Plus you can get more power behind it than when you have 1 hand on the wheel, your body jackknifed half into the back seat and swinging wildly...

Jimbo said...

I don't know about the beating of the kids (mine's only 16 months right now), but cell phones are definitely the biggest distraction out there. Thank you for bringing up the point from the link I posted in the first paragraph about when the light turns green.