If there's only one thing the Lord has just been beating in to my head lately, I may have finally stumbled on the starting point to figuring it out. It's funny, really, to look back at the past few (6-8) months, I can pinpoint where He increased the "size" of the beatings. Well, maybe not all of them. I'm sure He just started by flicking me in the nose or blowing in my face like I do to Jackie (no, I don't flick her nose...yet), but me being the lazy-stubborn-hard hearted guy I am, I hadn't noticed until now. I'm just glad He didn't pull out the big guns yet. I don't want to get hit by a dump truck.
All I really can say is that I have truly been blessed beyond measure, and I know it's not of my own worthiness, or as I'd like to try and coin: blessability. Joseph Smith said, and I paraphrase, "There are blessings that the Lord just can't wait to give us, but they are predicated on our doing the required work to get them." I'm not trying to point out to you all that I've been severely lacking in doing that work, it's just a side effect of trying to save you some of the struggles that I've had. And also to say thanks to whoever it is out there that's pleading to the Lord on my behalf.
This last semester at school was probably the hardest I've ever had. There were a lot of days where I would see my daughter when she woke up, and then when she went to bed. There were also a lot where I didn't see her at all. Despite the fact that I was only working 25 hours a week on average, I still felt like I had no time whatsoever to study. Long story short, my GPA went down this semester.
A couple of weeks ago, before finals, I was talking with my best friend about pretty much all that I wrote in the above paragraph, because he went through the same thing, only worse. Not only that, the fool decided to go to law school across the country with wife and two kids in tow. I dunno why, I think he's a glutton for punishment. Anyway, he says something to me that strikes a chord in my heart (or...blows in my face), again I paraphrase, "You know, you can make it through this, just make sure you're doing what the Lord asks." He's the ward mission leader. If you haven't figured it out, the guy is busy. It took a couple of weeks for that to sink in, and become the thought below:
Somewhere in the back of my head a light bulb goes DING! I don't know why it makes noise, it just does. I finally remembered the promise He gave me, and you, which is, "Before ye seek for riches (which is what I'm doing, in a relativistic way), seek ye the Kingdom of God, and afterward all these things shall be added unto you." I really haven't been doing that. I've been saying family prayer to teach my daughter, and I've been having couples prayer because she punches me in the ribs, but I haven't been seeking it. I'd like to think that my heart hasn't been set on the things of the world, but it sure hasn't been set on Him either.
There really isn't a way for me to get this point across unless the Holy Ghost bridges the gap, but I just have to say that I know that promise is real. I remember a time when I did seek Him first, and He fulfilled His promise, and I know I can get back to that again. I know that if I make time for him, which may sometimes be a sacrifice, he will lengthen the day for me so I have time for everything else. I know it. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to work on doing it.
2 comments:
I gave up on the whole trying to work through school thing. But I really hated my job so I don't think it was a big sacrifice for me. I do like seeing my daughter on a regular basis which I won't have been able to do if I was trying to do grad school full time and work. I wouldn't have any time for my family at all. Instead we're just dirt poor (which isn't all that much fun either, but what do you do). Oh, that and we utilize just about any government program (except food stamps, for some reason we refuse to do that). It all works out. My wife is excited for me to graduate so we can stop living drastically below the poverty line.
dude, are you ever going to post again???
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