July 06, 2007

Memo to Fox 13

Here's a couple of terms I would like to define. Just so there's no confusion, you'll need to scroll down a bit for the second term.

Quick:
/kwɪk/ adjective, -er, -est, noun, adverb, -er, -est. –adjective
1. done, proceeding, or occurring with promptness or rapidity, as an action, process, etc.; prompt; immediate: a quick response.
2. that is over or completed within a short interval of time: a quick shower.
3. moving, or able to move, with speed: a quick fox; a quick train.
4. swift or rapid, as motion: a quick flick of the wrist.
5. keenly responsive; lively; acute: a quick wit.
6. acting with swiftness or rapidity: a quick worker.
7. prompt or swift to do something: quick to respond.
8. prompt to understand, learn, etc.; of ready intelligence: a quick student.
9. the vital or most important part.

Fox 13 "Quick Cast" (usually seen after the news, around 10:00 p.m., just before the Simpsons)
1. the exact opposite of the previous 9 definitions.

Holy crap, you guys have got to get it together! Make up your minds! Are you going to "sum up" the news of the day? Or are you just going to have a continuation of your "News at 9" that drones on for another 15 minutes after your program should have ended? Because you're doing the latter, and it's entirely false advertising to call it a quick cast. Look, no one cares about Fluffy McFluffinstuff's cat (of SLC proper) who got chased by a crazy squirrel (thanks for that live report, Max Roth) when we are tuning in for a QUICK CAST! Just leave it as filler in your regular news at 9, and only tell us about the wildfire that's headed for my house, or that the serial killer has escaped and was last seen in my area.

Oh, and the weather? This one goes out to all you news stations...YOU'RE MAKING MY BLOOD SHOOT OUT OF MY EYES! Here's a little form that I want you all to go off of when covering the weather:
Today was hot/cold (circle one)
Tomorrow will be the same/different (circle one)
Feel free to mention any precipitation involved in this two day time period.
DONE! See? You don't need a 20 minute weather segment. You get 2 minutes, tops, or I'm going back to watching Scrubs on the internet. You want to spend 20 minutes on a news segment? How about traffic? Traffic is what we need you to spend 20 minutes on, because UDOT and the rest of the public streets divisions are doing everything they can to make sure no one can drive on any Utah roads. They've effectively cut off any access to the west side that is north of Ft. Union. Help us out here, huh?

1 comment:

Mom said...

Son, you've got to stop drinking Dr. Pepper.